Facing the Truth

Hi Guys...

   So I have some news that you all may or may not like... THANK YOU ALL so much for voting on the poll...I didnt think anyone would even see that honestly. So despite the higher amount of no votes than yes votes, I had to make a decision. I need to do what is right...I need to fix everything and so to do that I have to go back home. I told Addy to about it and she understood completly. She thought that i was actually being brave for going back home, because there isn't a garuntee that everything is going to end well. Of course I will be okay after I while, I mean it won't be a horrible ending, but I'm feeling a little apprehensive. I appricehaite all of the comments about sticking with my dreams and traveling, you are all really sweet. See the thing is, my dream is to fix what happened back home and by now I suppose everyone is wandering what it was that happened back home...I also suppose that I owe you an answer. 

When I was back in Vienna... things were really different for me. I was different. I had this bestfriend named Zara. She was such an amazing person/friend. Last year Zara and I were walking downtown to this local bakery. Right before we got there, I saw this girl I know in one of the other stores so I told Zara to get a head start and I'd meet her at the bakery in a minute. The next part remember too well. I turned around to go into the store...one, two, three seconds...went up to my friend...four, five, six seconds...said Hello...seven, eight, nine, ten seconds...life is over. I turned around and there was Zara's small, cold, body lying motionless against the ground. You know, the weird thing is I can't remember hearing anyone talking. All I remember is running out of the store, my face drenched in sweat and tears, and looking down over Zara. I tried, for YEARS to erase those memories. Trust me when I say, it is better to deal with tragic situations like this one, than to forget them. I though for all those years that it was my fault...if I was just walking with her, maybe the guy would have seen us better when he pulled out onto the street. The guy who hit her was thirty-four and drunk. He didnt notice Zara crossing the street so he pulled out and hit her. The worst part of this whole thing is that this man was a coward. When he heard and saw the limb body of Zara lying on the street, he speeded away. He left her there, in the middle of the street, like a dead animal. No. Even when hitting an amimal, people still stay to help it. Zara was a human though, she still had a chance of life. Her breath vanished when the medics finally arrived. I-- can't stand the thought of going back to that town. Back to the place where Zara's presence lays, still on that cold gravel. If I went back, it would all still be there. The memories from that day are so clear now, I know if I went back they would become real again. 

So now that you know that piece of the puzzel, I hope you can immagine how hard it is for me to go back, but how much I need to go back. I need to relive those moments because, well...it's the only way to see past them. I want to know that Zara is okay now, I want to forgive myself for wishing it was me who got hit, I want  to appoligize to Zara's family because they lost such an important person. If I can't fulfil these things, I will never be able to move on. I will be stuck.. just like I've been. I am so stuck right now and I have never spoken about it before. I am traveling freely, yet my mind is trapped. 

I need to go think for a while and clear my mind...I'll talk about the rest tomorrow or something. 

-Aria