Facing the Truth

Hi Guys...

   So I have some news that you all may or may not like... THANK YOU ALL so much for voting on the poll...I didnt think anyone would even see that honestly. So despite the higher amount of no votes than yes votes, I had to make a decision. I need to do what is right...I need to fix everything and so to do that I have to go back home. I told Addy to about it and she understood completly. She thought that i was actually being brave for going back home, because there isn't a garuntee that everything is going to end well. Of course I will be okay after I while, I mean it won't be a horrible ending, but I'm feeling a little apprehensive. I appricehaite all of the comments about sticking with my dreams and traveling, you are all really sweet. See the thing is, my dream is to fix what happened back home and by now I suppose everyone is wandering what it was that happened back home...I also suppose that I owe you an answer. 

When I was back in Vienna... things were really different for me. I was different. I had this bestfriend named Zara. She was such an amazing person/friend. Last year Zara and I were walking downtown to this local bakery. Right before we got there, I saw this girl I know in one of the other stores so I told Zara to get a head start and I'd meet her at the bakery in a minute. The next part remember too well. I turned around to go into the store...one, two, three seconds...went up to my friend...four, five, six seconds...said Hello...seven, eight, nine, ten seconds...life is over. I turned around and there was Zara's small, cold, body lying motionless against the ground. You know, the weird thing is I can't remember hearing anyone talking. All I remember is running out of the store, my face drenched in sweat and tears, and looking down over Zara. I tried, for YEARS to erase those memories. Trust me when I say, it is better to deal with tragic situations like this one, than to forget them. I though for all those years that it was my fault...if I was just walking with her, maybe the guy would have seen us better when he pulled out onto the street. The guy who hit her was thirty-four and drunk. He didnt notice Zara crossing the street so he pulled out and hit her. The worst part of this whole thing is that this man was a coward. When he heard and saw the limb body of Zara lying on the street, he speeded away. He left her there, in the middle of the street, like a dead animal. No. Even when hitting an amimal, people still stay to help it. Zara was a human though, she still had a chance of life. Her breath vanished when the medics finally arrived. I-- can't stand the thought of going back to that town. Back to the place where Zara's presence lays, still on that cold gravel. If I went back, it would all still be there. The memories from that day are so clear now, I know if I went back they would become real again. 

So now that you know that piece of the puzzel, I hope you can immagine how hard it is for me to go back, but how much I need to go back. I need to relive those moments because, well...it's the only way to see past them. I want to know that Zara is okay now, I want to forgive myself for wishing it was me who got hit, I want  to appoligize to Zara's family because they lost such an important person. If I can't fulfil these things, I will never be able to move on. I will be stuck.. just like I've been. I am so stuck right now and I have never spoken about it before. I am traveling freely, yet my mind is trapped. 

I need to go think for a while and clear my mind...I'll talk about the rest tomorrow or something. 

-Aria

Decisions, Oh Decisions

Hello Everyone,

               Today I considered the places that everyone voted on for me to go next. You guys are right I should be going to California, but I'm having second thoughts on this whole traveling thing. I met up with Addy today for lunch and we were talking about everything. She told me she didnt understand why I couldnt just face him and everyone else I left behind. I think she understands why I'm traveling so much, i hope she does at least. Addy explained how she tried running from her problems once before, just like me.After a year went by of not talking to her brother Kail, she recieved a phone call from a hospital rep.The woman told her that Kail had gotten into a head on collision with a drunk driver and his chances of life were slim. Addy said she jumped on the first plane to Philadelphia but when she arrived there it was too late, Kail had died. Addy never forgave herself for that or all of the years she spent trying to avoid her bother. Addy said it was that day she learned that nothing lasts forever. Everything that you see in front of you, around you, behind you, it's all going to be gone one day. That day is going to be coming around soon, and when it does she asked me,"will you feel at peace with everyone and evrything?" I honestly cannot answer that question at the moment. I really wish that I could, but my head is so cluttered with theories and assumptions, I dont know how to go back. 

Meeting Addy

The other day, I was walking to work when this young lady approched me and commented on my shoes. It happened to be a little bizzare for me, mostly because that had never happened to me before while living in Austrailia. Well the girls name is Addy and she is really, very nice. We exchanged phone numbers and we are actually meeting up after I'm finished work tomorrow and we are meeting up with some of Addy's friends. I am super stoaked that I met Addy when I did because I was really starting to get tiered of not knowing anyone beyond their first name here. I really don't mind being alone, in fact I might like it too much, but it's nice to have some company around sometimes. Addy said she lived in Austrailia her whole life and next Saturday she is celebrating her 20th Birthday, which she openly invited me to come celebrate with her. I may go, but then again I'm not too fimilair with anyone there, but we will see....
Please comment below and tell me if you would go!

I love you guys, talk to you soon...

Aria

Rocky Road

Hey!

I hope all of you guys are doing well this afternoon! Comment below your thoughts on today if you wish.Here in Australia it's a bit gloomy out and I don't know if it's the gloomy weather or just a recurring thought, but recently it's been creeping around my mind. With all the traveling I've been doing lately it's hard to hide what's underneath the surface of my skin, boiling. Everything is starting to surface and it's worrying me. I'm starting to miss...some of the things that aren't with me on this journey. I know that soon I am  going to slip out of reach of what once was. I don't know if i can deal with that, I'm starting to re-think why I started this journey to begin with. I thought I could distance myself for a while and get away from everything, giving myself space to breathe and think. Maybe I'm on this journey because I'm running away from something I couldn't deal with...I don't know. All I know is that I am far away from everything and everyone. Too far away to make things right at least... I'm not sure what I need to do to fix this, I need to keep moving right now though. Maybe I will think of what to do this week. Maybe I'm just totally over thinking this, thanks for always letting me vent to you guys! 

Your the BEST!

With much love from Australia,

Aria 

                Sydney Harbour Bridge

Song of The Day

Sounds Like Hallelujah - The Head and The Heart

My name is...

Hi everyone,My name is Aria and I am on an adventure. I don't know where I am going, but I know I dont want to go back to where I was.

Talk to you soon.