Lost but Living

   Hey Everyone, 

So it has officially been a week since I've been back here in Vienna. I do miss traveling and I do hope to resume those days some day soon and maybe meet up with Addy. 

Its been okay here so far to be honest. I mean I went past the accident scene where Zara was killed, today it will mark the seventh year that she has been gone... I miss her, but I know she is okay now. I'll always remember her, she will stay in the lock box I keep in my memory. I found peace within those dark memories. It feels good to walk around this small town now, I feel safe.

   The other thing I was telling you about, the thing with Wesley...well I went to go talk to him yesterday and he was really surprised to see me because he wasn't informed that I was coming home. He is still doing well even though Chloe in the end, wasn't the one for him. She had bigger dreams and went off to fulfil them. Good for her I thought, I hope she finds what she is looking for and I hope she isn't running away from things that she thought she couldn't handle. Wesley apologized for that letter and the things he had said in the letter, I guess he knows now that it was wrong of him. It's okay, I just didn't think it was appropriate or fair for him to confess such a thing. Love is powerful and overused in my opinion. People just throw the word around like one would throw a Frisbee, passing it to along to the next person who is open or distraught enough to not see how damaging love can become. Why can't we just be patient and wait for such a person to enter our lives? It's not impossible to do that...I guess it's just a hard thing to do, forcing your mind to go against what it feels. Well, then again if our minds where thinking correctly,we wouldn't be put in that position to chose. Would you go along with your mind or with your feelings? It's defiantly hard to answer sometimes...

    The truth is... Wesley is one of the reasons I left. I have always loved Wesley. There was always something about him--something strange--ever since we were kids I've noticed. When he told me he found someone to confide in...I was broken. I was here, I was always here waiting, thinking maybe one day he will come and we can figure the rest out together. The day he did come, I was in such a bad place and I really didn't want to talk to him, let alone anyone else. When he told me the news I guess that was the last straw, the last thin piece of string that was ready to break away, and that it did. I broke away, I left this place thinking I'd find something special, what that was I don't know exactly. I did find that traveling is so healthy and necessary in life...it really allowed me to see the world as a whole, and see how many people there are. There isn't just the town that you live in, there is so much more beyond that, so many places that are waiting to be discovered. This in some sense helped me because I was able to see past what happened and stop focusing on just Zara and Wesley. To finish my story though... I am not dating Wesley right now or anything we are friends. After all of that I just thought it would be wrong to be with him. The feelings are still there, well for me they are at least. I don't know...maybe one day it will happen, but for now I decided to attend college close to Charlottesville Virgina. I'm not leaving to continue my journey anytime soon, but when I do expect to hear back from me. I'm sure my life will have been through quite some changes by that time, and my traveling will mean a lot more since I wouldn't be running away. Thank you guys so much for just giving me hope and I wish you all a great spring.
We will talk soon again, trust me,

-Aria